On Soulmates

Spirituality has a common base, and it is all connected

by one fundamental principle. Any guesses? -Inner Voice

In mid-September, 1986, after the lesson of Peggy's gift, I once again resumed my quest to find my soulmate. This time I decided to consult my inner voice. For several nights, I asked my inner voice about my soulmate, and typed the answers into my computer. Here are some excerpts:

Bob: What's today's lesson?

IV: Today's lesson is about expectations. Through Peggy's gift, you know that your expectations were interfering with your ideal relationship. What were some of your expectations?

Bob: I expected my soulmate to be about my age, and to have shoulder-length, dark hair. I expected that she would like the same things I do, like metaphysics. Suppose she's a fundamentalist Christian?

IV: Your friend Cindy was once a fundamentalist "born-again" Christian. It's not a terminal illness; it can be cured!

Bob: Cindy is understanding. Even though she was a born-again Christian, I could talk to her about the things I believe are spiritual if I used her language.

IV: If your soulmate were a fundamentalist, what would that mean?

Bob: It would probably mean that she thinks everything that I believe to be spiritual really comes from the Devil. It would mean that she is dogmatic and it would be almost impossible to knock any spiritual sense into her head.

IV: Even if that were so, could you still live with her?

Bob: How can two people live together, believing that the other lives a misguided, unspiritual life?

IV: Yet each is very spiritual in their own way. Remember this. Spirituality has a common base, and it is all connected by one fundamental principle. Any guesses?

Bob: Love?

IV: You win the booby prize! In more sense "booby" than you realize. You can and should live and cooperate together in love regardless of your differences because your love keeps you together. It pushes you toward a common goal, and helps you to smooth out your differences. Each of you have your idiosyncracies and dogmas, but each of you is an accomplished arbitrator. Eventually you both will grow closer together in harmony.

Bob: But what if I eventually accept her beliefs and become a born-again Christian? I don't want that. That's the opposite of spirituality.

IV: No, the opposite of spirituality is apathy. If you decide to accept Christianity, it will be on your own terms, and you would be comfortable with that change. It would not be anything against your will. There you go again--worrying about losing control. This time you worry about losing control of your own beliefs.

Bob: That's because I'm very wary of my own beliefs; I saw how I had followed blind paths when I left the Catholic Church.

IV: And yet that was a very valuable stepping stone. You took on those beliefs from your mother, and those beliefs served you well, until your inner self reached for more. You knew with your inner being that spirituality is more than sitting and praying in a church. It is living. It is ongoing. You cannot accept beliefs against your will. There is no such thing as doing anything "against your will," because you have complete control over your reality, and the key to it all is the will.

IV: Your soulmate is not a fundamentalist Christian. She may or may not be into metaphysics as you know it; I will not say. But this exercise is meant to help you take down a few more of your limitations. Suppose she has purple Mohawk hair? Suppose she is overweight? Suppose she is much older or younger? You must be willing to accept her regardless. Love knows no boundaries. As long as you keep placing boundaries, love will have a very difficult time in projecting itself outward and inward. Say this: "Soulmate, I accept you in my heart."

Bob: Soulmate, I accept you in my heart.

IV: For now and forever.

Bob: For now and forever.

IV: I place no limitations on you: body, soul, life, circumstances, knowledge, intelligence or spirituality.

Bob: Even spirituality?

IV: Even spirituality. What if she chooses to learn spirituality in this life, and has little of it now?

Bob: Okay. I place no limitations on you: body, soul, life, circumstances, knowledge, intelligence or spirituality.

IV: And in all respects.

Bob: And in all respects.

IV: Marriage vows should not become a series of limitations, such as: I will not make love with another, I will not fight or argue. Your love will ensure those things. Instead, marriage vows should be a set of freedoms: I give you the freedom to be yourself, I give you the freedom to express yourself to me in any and all ways. I give you the freedom to forever vent your love in my direction. I give you the freedom to express your sexuality with me. I give you the freedom to laugh and play and act silly without fear of my ridicule or attack in any form. I give you the freedom to express and enact your love for me and for others, in whatever way you most desire, whether I am focused in physical life, or not.

Bob: I finished reading The Harmony of Love. I wrote down a couple of issues from the book and I want you to comment on them. It said that soulmates are not found, but are created out of total responsibility, freedom, love, and hard work. I'm not sure I like that.

IV: It depends upon your definition of soulmates. By the author's definition, and by what he believes, that is entirely true. Most people have a very limited and restrictive definition of soulmates. A soulmate is not two halves of a soul, nor is it two people who are "forever bound to keep returning to physical life together."

IV: The term soulmates refers to two people who have a very strong attraction and love, and they decide to incarnate physically and plan to enter into a loving relationship with each other. Although they may share more than one lifetime together, that is decided before each lifetime, and also what type of relationship they plan to share. Of course, their plans may change during that lifetime. It does not exclude the possibility of two such relationships. For instance, Jane Roberts and Rob Butts decided long before they were born to discover each other in "new personality essence" forms. They shared a wonderful and cooperative life together, learning much and teaching much. That in no way limits Rob to that one relationship now that Jane has passed on. Not everybody comes into this lifetime with such an agreement, so not everyone has a soulmate.

IV: Since each personality learns, grows and develops in their lives, each person has a unique learning, ego, and experience-base; therefore, their oversouls are very much in love and know each other quite well, from ages past. But, the individual personalities do not know each other, and therefore must rediscover each other. In this way, they must create a new relationship for themselves, and that's where the total responsibility and hard work come into play. It is true that a soulmate relationship is an agreement, like any shared event, but it is also true that a soulmate relationship, like all relationships, must truly be created in the most basic sense of that word. And in that sense, what the book says is quite valid.

IV: The fact is, at this moment, you do not know your soulmate in this lifetime. That rapport and relationship must be created and built upon. You once experienced being with your soulmate, and you once again affirmed your love for each other. Your knowledge stemmed from the knowledge of your greater self, your oversoul. In that sense, you are very familiar with each other, but insofar as your ego is concerned, beyond that experience, you have never met. You have chosen this lifetime to begin anew, to re-create that soulmate relationship.

IV: The book said that soulmates are not found. Well, there is some truth to this statement. Having a soulmate relationship is more than just the finding of that person. Once she is found, then what do you do? Most people hope and pray to find their soulmate, but there is so much more than the finding. Suppose they find them, then what? The meeting or finding is just the beginning, and really a very trivial part of the relationship.

IV: Aren't you glad you didn't find your soulmate years ago? If you found each other when you were a Catholic, your relationship would be a very difficult one indeed.

IV: On the other hand, if she found you any earlier, your personality would not be as complete, experienced or spiritual as it is now. You have both chosen to be apart so that you may once again be pulled together with a greater knowledge and experience, and this will result in a greater love and learning for each of you. To this end, it is truly a blessing that you are not together at this moment, even though it may seem like a curse.

IV: Do not concentrate on the negative. Do not grieve over her absence, your loss, for this only serves to strengthen that absence, and your feelings in that direction. Instead, concentrate upon the positive. Think to yourself, "It has been good for both of us to be apart, but there is no more need to be apart. I suggest that we find each other and meet, and begin to share the love and growth we both want." As you say this, your soulmate will pick up on it and your meeting will be made firmer in this reality and closer to this time period. Do this with all sincerity and love in your heart, not with grief or negativism.

IV: And as you sow, so shall you reap!

Bob: I have one more note from the book The Harmony of Love. It is a quote I liked. It said that love is allowing the relationship to unfold. It is not forcing issues, demanding decisions. It is not making the relationship happen.

IV: The most important part of that statement is, "not making the relationship happen." It's also been said, don't push the river. Rivers are wonderful things, don't you think? We've talked about rivers before; I could talk about them for endless hours. Relationships are like rivers, and as such they should be allowed to flow naturally. They will find their own guidance. They will have their sand bars, and white water, but they always find their destination, without looking, without rushing. The relationship, like a river, will happen by itself. This means you should not make unnecessary expectations and demands upon it. You should not be continually looking for what you are "getting out" of the relationship, for the relationship should be its own reward. In other words, don't go fishing in the river; just joyfully play in its waters.